I'm Still Here ...

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I've been so wrapped up in myself recently, what with big life changes (wife's pregnancy) and big work changes on the horizon, that I've completely neglected to write anything in this blog during February.

Well the fact is that I am STILL teetotal, I haven't touched a drop - not even when the beer festival came to town. In fact on the middle day of the beer festival I drove to Liverpool just to be away from it. And yet it's funny, because I have zero cravings for alcohol now, but watching Tyrone on Coronation Street last night, I felt a real pang of jealousy as he greedily supped away on a beautiful glass of dark red wine ...

Last month's horrible events really did test my teetotalism drive, and yet this month I feel I can better cope without alcohol because I've proved that it can be done. Although on a recent away day with my customer, I espoused the virtues of giving up the drink, stating that it'll save me over £500 a year. I hadn't thought the statement through - I now sounded like I'd had a drink problem!

Ah well, the only problem I have now is the fact that people keep telling me with real gusto about many a new craft beer ... what I say is "Roll on 2012!" (and I don't mean for that south-east-centric, crappy, arse-about-tit farce the 2012 Olympics).

As you were.

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Well that's the first month ticked off the list ... 31 days without a single drop of alcohol.

Very proud of myself :-))

Almost at the one month milestone, and the need for a "beer festival bypass" ...

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What a month this has been! From declaring I'm going to go teetotal, through to being utterly left out to dry, to finding out I'm going to be a dad again in September, to trying to work out what would be best to do next in my life, it's been something of a roller-coaster so far.

And yet through it all, whereas before I'd have reached straight for the beer and drunk away some of the horrors that have been visited upon so far in 2011 - not to mention to toast the joyful news of a child on the way - I've managed to stay stone cold sober. Not a sniff. Nothing. Nada. Rien. Niets. Nichts.

I'm really quite proud of myself, as I didn't think I'd get this far. The further I go, the more confident I feel in opposing the need for a beer. It's great.

But yesterday (when all my troubles seemed so far away) I espied on the railings outside the National Brewery Centre, a poster advertising their International Beer Festival 11th-13th February, with over 300 beers expected to be there. OH F**K!! How do I keep myself from visiting that? It's less than a mile from chez moi. I need to concentrate on other things, and FAST ... why can't they postpone until next year, when I'll be back off the wagon? I can do it, I can do it, I can do it ... I have to keep repeating it to myself to believe it.

Watch this space - this will be my toughest challenge yet.

Interesting point made ...

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A colleague of mine said today: "If you can't have any alcohol, that means you can't use mouthwash, doesn't it?" I pondered a moment, before espousing the obvious virtues of using a quality mouthwash, and suggesting that it be spat out post-swill, and not consumed. Argument over :-))

I watched a documentary on BBC iPlayer this evening about 21-year-old Laura Hall from Bromsgrove, the UK's "poster girl" for binge drinking. Well, the little madam! Drunk all the time, aggressive, in and out of court, fines, sentencing, more drinking, and possibly the most annoying, whining West Midlands accent you've ever heard. The conclusion of the documentary was Laura turning her life around, going to the Nova Vida clinic in Portugal to get clean, and then start to take her life into her own hands and continue her new-found teetotalism to get her back on track. A very positive, fitting end to the programme was crapped on however by the revelation that she's been drinking again, and has gone back to Portugal. I'm all for helping these people, but if they won't help themselves, then I'm all for them knocking their livers out - let's see how they enjoy a bout of hepatic encephalopathy when their liver stops filtering dangerous toxins (which go straight to the brain, do not pass go, do not collect £200) ...

On a slightly different (you might say random) note, isn't this just the WEIRDEST album cover you ever saw?

Rant over. As you were.

Happy News!!!

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I'm going to be a dad again in September!

Woohoo!!!!!!

Hang on, how do I wet the baby's head?!?!

I want to find out about teetotallers ...

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Now that I've decided to "go teetotal", I thought I must learn more about teetotalism:

• what makes teetotallers choose their lifestyle?,
• what makes teetotallers able to abstain?, and
• what makes teetotallers tick?

Well I think to answer any of those, I need to ask the question "What makes drinkers tick?"

For me as a drinker (i.e. pre-2011) I would use alcohol as a social lubricant, a way to enjoy myself and be on a level with everyone around me who is also drinking. Jokes / moments of hilarity to the tipsy amongst us at parties or in the pub are more often than not 'shared moments' with our sober / teetotal brethren. Sure, the odd party / pub visit I've been to, I've remained sober so that I can drive home. But what am I going to do when this situation arises periodically and I have no choice? Okay, the choice is self-inflicted, but I really want to do this.

Also, the reaction of drinkers to non-drinkers is quite stark. A drinker will often eye a teetotaller at a party suspiciously, and regularly choose to not talk to them stood there with their lemonade, ice and a slice. Do drinkers feel threatened? I always did - sort of - and I think moreover a little bit jealous of a teetotaller's ability to both possess the willpower to abstain from the demon drink and - most importantly - to avoid looking like a complete dick throwing some highly irregular shapes on the dance-floor, tanked up on lager. A late-2010 drinking event in Chester had me throwing HIGHLY irregular shapes on a dance-floor, much to the hilarity of everyone else. Let's see 'em laugh this year :-))

So for me, I think teetotallers like to be in control of themselves, to indulge in 'drunkenfreude', and to be guaranteed a lift home (their own) at night. I think they like to avoid the 'gueule de bois' (wooden mouth), as the French put it, in the mornings, and they like to be reassured that there's less of a chance that their liver will resemble a crumbly yellow mass as cirrhosis sets in and gives them bouts of hepatic encephalopathy.

My other argument is that let's face it, until we were the age of 15 (or between the ages of 10 and 13 on the rough council estate near us) most of us had been teetotal, so why should it be difficult to spend another year bereft of beer?

Rather proud of myself ...

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Last night I visited my local Tesco Express and bought amongst other things a pack of Becks Blue alcohol-free beer. The lad serving, replete with body art and piercings, checked that I knew I had picked up alcohol-free beer, and I very loudly announced - in the hope that other shoppers could hear me - that "Yes, and I did so because I'm teetotal!"; daftly believing I had gained some moral high-ground over the uber-tattooed, uber-pierced youngster, he responded with "Oh well done, I've been teetotal for about 18 months now - I just don't like the taste of alcohol."

A little deflated that my fortnight vs his 18 months was never going to stand up in a straight fight, I did however feel quite proud that I could label myself a teetotaller without experiencing any kind of embarrassment. Come on, it's for charity ...

The Becks Blue is still sh*t, though, but hey it tastes of what I'm sorely missing ... sort of.